Doubt It Publishing @The Buffalo Small Press Book Fair

The show must go on!

While I'm not sure if I'll be able to attend or not due to work obligations, Doubt It Publishing will have a table at the event along with a catalog of books on sale at The Buffalo Small Press Book Fair.  Doubt It authors Mark McElligott (Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind) and David Waters (12 Priests & 3 Gnomes) will be at the event to hawk their wares, sign some books and meet and greet with attendees.  The boys will also have copies of If They Can't Take A Joke, Slapstick & Superego, Mockery and Poke The Scorpion With A Sharp Stick for sale. 

This will be the third year that Doubt It Publishing will participate in the event.  The Buffalo Small Press Book Fair takes place on Saturday, March 24th at the Karpeles Manuscript Museum in downtown Buffalo from noon-6 p.m.  For more information, feel free to visit:  http://www.buffalosmallpress.org/  

Buy our books already!

Tom Waters

Publisher, Author

Doubt It Publishing 

Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind Book Launch & Summer Event Calendar

            Mark McElligott kicks off his official book tour for Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind this Sunday at 6 p.m. at Finnan's Sports Bar & Grill on 1191 Lincoln Avenue in his native town of Lockport.  After a few preliminary readings and the wildly successful launch of his debut humor book, he'll be reading a series of laugh-out-loud rants from his debut collection during what's sure to be an entertaining evening of comedy.  Please join us this Sunday in celebrating the publication of one of the funniest books I've read in the last decade.  First Edition signed copies of Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind will be available for $15, but quantities are limited, so please show up early or on time if you want a copy.  The word of mouth and the sales of his book have been spreading like wildfire, so don't miss out!  If you want to order a copy in advance, visit:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/random-thoughts-from-a-broken-mind/15436437?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/2

Here's a calendar for Mark's other events this summer:

 Saturday, June 11th, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.  Caz Coffee Café, 668 Abbott Rd., Buffalo 825-7806. Reading and Signing with Mark McElligott, author of the humor collection Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind.  

Sunday, June 26th, 5 p.m. to 7 p.m.  Doubt It Publishing presents a book reading by Mark McElligott (Random Thoughts From A Broke Mind) and Tom Waters (Mockery) at Rust Belt Books (202 Allen St., Buffalo, 885-9535).  Admission is free, signed first editions of both books available for $15 each. 

Sunday, July 10th, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.  Book signing at Brennan's Bowery Bar (4401 Transit Rd., Clarence) with Tom Waters (Mockery) and Mark McElligott (Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind).  Special musical guest David Waters (Whiskey Suicide).

We'll see you this Sunday for what's sure to be the start of an incredible comedy career.  Buckle up, Lockport! 
Sincerely,
Tom Waters
CEO, Doubt It Publishing

Smoking and Government

I just got back from the reservation where I bought a couple cartons of my favorite smokes, and I've noticed a disturbing trend.  The anti-smoking lobby has invaded even deeper into my turf than I realized.  It used to be the simple 'smoking is bad for you' messages on the side of the pack, in combination with the fact that they can't advertise in any conventional way. They stepped this up by making the messages more colorful and varied, such as 'Smoking will insure that your child is born deformed and you'll never have grandchildren' or  'Look really closely at lasagna some time... that's what your lungs look like now' or 'Cigarettes make you smell so bad even Jenna Jameson won't sleep with you'. Today I noticed that they have taken to adding fliers to the inside of each pack that tell you what a moron you are for doing this, and how, when the liberals are finally in charge, you will be exterminated. I hear rumors that Obama has been considering a law that allows actual pictures of your mother crying to be placed on each pack. They're just trying to find a way to record the individual faces of every smokers mother, so that each smoker gets the right pack and is sufficiently chastised.  Also, the clerk is allowed to slap you.  Is it me? Is it the fact that I'm a (gasp) Republican that makes me feel intruded upon? I would think the government would see that no matter how many restrictions, recriminations, and attempts to shame- this product still outsells everything but Nacho cheese Doritos. Obviously 'free America' enjoys their cigarettes and should be left alone about it! Now I know little about other state governments policies being that I grew up in the peoples republic of New York and have lived here all my life, but is this right? I've visited non 'police state' cities such as Chicago, where bikers don't have to wear helmets, and there are still smoking sections in restaurants. It's almost like the America I remember from childhood, The one which all of the songs were written about.

 My personal feelings about government are simple. Their entire job is to keep the French from deciding what I should be doing. Government is the buffer between the free world and all the assholes out there who didn't have the foresight to be born American. Their job is not to babysit me, it's to keep me free. American government should have two branches; the President, and the Military. The President points his finger and the Military attacks that which was pointed at. War is good for the economy, so we should pick a fight every now and again even when the neighbors are behaving. No one should be allowed to run for the Presidency unless they have had a car on blocks in their front yard at some point. I am so tired of the ensconced 'bred into politics' types who have run this country into the ground. The top dog should be a real person, the kind of guy I wouldn't mind having a beer with. This is why I liked Bush at first, he was a cowboy who messed up his words sometimes. He seemed like a regular guy. I love Sarah Palin because she comes across as a small town civic leader and she shoots moose! I don't want a polished phony, I want someone I can relate to (Not that I go around shooting moose, though I probably would if one were in my living room). The Presidency should be like jury duty- everyone should be required to serve a term... and if they're horrible at it? That's what assasination is for.  State government should be the ones that make the smaller rules to live by, and there should be no more than a dozen of those... just enough so the wheels keep turning. The way things have gone, however, is that every little thing is monitored and it's costing us a fortune. I, sadly, envision a future where this happens;

"Do you understand why I pulled you over?'

'Um, not really officer, I was within the speed limit'

'Your hands weren't on ten and two'

'Yes, sir, they most certainly were! I'm very conscientious about that'

'Looked a lot like nine and three to me, besides you were singing along to the radio'

'It was a slow song!'

'I clocked you at thirty words a minute, son'

Six hundred dollars and a court appointed lawyer later, the authorities are asking my ex-girlfriend if I ever took showers without my mandated helmet.

Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind Cover Design by Bill Dyson

Final cover design for Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind by Bill Dyson.  Cover sketch by Mark McElligott!

Big Words I Know By Heart Radio Interview

     Tom Waters of Doubt-It Publishing interviewed me for my upcoming book; Random thoughts from a broken mind. You can access the interview by clicking;

http://www.mevio.com/episode/274331/episode-58-your-own-personal-white-out   

     Prepare yourself for funny, rude, unapologetic, ruthless, rapid fire, disturbing, and socially unacceptable Q&A. Bad language and worse morals abound as we explore subjects from Masturbation, whether Hulk could beat Jesus, sex with children, Aging, music, and Terry Kimmel... a man who at one time called both Tom and I 'friend'. If he continues to after this one, he's a hell of a good sport! Enjoy!

Spring Appearance Calendar for Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind and Mockery

While these appearances are far from final, here are the events we’re currently looking at for April through June.  When I add more dates, I’ll update this list.  Mark your calendars and get ready to laugh, folks!

Friday April 1st, 7 p.m. to midnight: Mockery Book Launch at Dee’s Firehouse, 4628 Broadway Ave., Depew 651-0711.  Reading and signing at 7 p.m. followed by a live performance by One Hot Minute (Red Hot Chili Peppers cover band) at 8 p.m.  First edition copies of Mockery by Tom Waters available for $15.

Saturday, April 16th, 7 p.m., Mockery Book Signing at Maryan’s, 4921 Broadway, Depew  683-0590.  Live musical performance by David Waters (Whiskey Suicide).

Tuesday, April 26th, 7:30 p.m.  Reading and Signing with author Tom Waters (Mockery) at the Lancaster Public Library, 5466 Broadway, Depew

Saturday, April 30th, 8 p.m. to midnight.  Tom’s Atomic Comic Giveaway! at Don’s Atomic Comics, 6354 Transit Rd., Depew 684-5981.  Buy a copy of Mockery by Tom Waters and get a free back issue.  Midnight madness discounts on graphic novels and collectibles.  Special Guests Josh Tonn (Costumed Crimefighter Comics, Stupid Funny Comics), Mark McElligott (Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind) and Kyle Kaczmarzcyk (The Red Eye, Pulp, Monster Matt’s Bad Jokes Volume I).

Saturday, May 7th, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m., Caz Coffee Café, 668 Abbott Rd., Buffalo 825-7806.  Reading and Signing with Tom Waters, author of the humor collection Mockery.

Thursday, May 19th, 7 p.m., Talking Leaves Books, 3158 Main St., Buffalo 837-8554.  Reading and Signing with Tom Waters, author of the humor collection Mockery.

Saturday, May 21st, 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. Mockery Book Reading and Signing at Stockman’s Tavern (9870 Transit Rd., Depew 688-9896) featuring Tom Waters with live music by musician Chris Squier.

Saturday, June 11th, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.  Caz Coffee Café, 668 Abbott Rd., Buffalo 825-7806. Reading and Signing with Mark McElligott, author of the humor collection Random Thoughts From A Broken Mind.

Sunday, June 26th, 5 p.m. to 7 p.m.  Doubt It Publishing presents a book reading by Mark McElligott (Random Thoughts From A Broke Mind) and Tom Waters (Mockery) at Rust Belt Books (202 Allen St., Buffalo, 885-9535).  Admission is free, signed first editions of both books available.

Bush

Twice in the last two days the question of feminine grooming has come up in conversations I've had, and I feel it is my duty as an American and a red blooded Male to advance my views on the subject. I come from the era of the 60's and 70's where the Fur Bikini mega bush was all the rage... I live every day in fear that this will one day become popular again. I don't know why anyone would be turned on by a girl who looks like they might be sporting a package in their panties as big as my own, but apparently there are fans. Lets be real for a minute here- you don't want a habitat in your shorts, and that's just what it is. When you grow a tree you better expect some birds to nest in it, so why would you not expect some critters to come enjoy all the vacant housing you've decided to provide? Sex need not become a safari adventure...there are many acceptable options these days;
The Brazillian- My personal favorite. It defines without cluttering. It says; I'm old enough, and I'm also concientious. It's kind of like accessorizing for your fun zone.
The flying V- I get the sense this is a European thing... specifically Teutonic. I don't like them at all, they seem too aggressive. No guy wants to open the prize and find himself staring down an angry ham wallet.
The Topiary- Many cutsey designs like shaping your whisker biscuit into a heart, or a butterfly have been popular... I'm not sure this sends the right message. A guy gets worked up into a lather, chews his way through her panties and then suddenly has to decipher if this means that she is still in girl scouts, or is just mentally handicapped.
Shaved bare- This is a clean look that says; 'it's safe to put your mouth here', but it also suggests you might want to get a second gander at the birth date on her ID.
The Vagazzle- I honestly haven't run across this one in my adventures yet, but it sounds like the sort of job I've been looking for all my life. Apparently Women have taken to having rhinestones and bling glued on to their beav! The danger is that some guy will just stare at his own reflection like in a little disco ball, and forget his primary objective.
Now not all options work for all girls. Some girls like to change their hair color... it's disconcerting to bring a blonde home and find a big dark brown shrub below. Shaved works well for those who like to dye their head fuscia. The Brazillian doesn't work well for heavy girls. I heard one girl say that she was so fat and white that a landing strip made her look like a Beluga whale with a Hitler mustache. The full shave only works if you also shave your legs and tush. I've known girls who shave, but have hair around their wrinkle valve in back... if the only place you don't have hair is your squish mitten, well it just looks like you have mange. Please also consider avoiding Glitter, absorbent powders and or anti-perspirants. Nothing is worse than going from juicy foreplay to arid extra dry mouth instantly... and it must be pretty distracting when your guy starts coughing and it looks like he's been chewing tinsel, spitting little sparkleys into the air like a Vegas party favor. Yes, we all want to smell fresh... I suggest showering first. That really ought to be enough to do the trick. Sometimes the moment comes when you're not prepared. Make that work for you! I was told by a girl i'm in raging lust with, that she wasn't shaved. I told her I'd be happy to shave her legs all the way to her neck for her. I've had a girl shave me too... danger can be sexy, and if she snips you, she feels so bad that she tries harder!
So, in conclusion, don't give up on the landscaping, Ladies... we do appreciate it!