Peter Pan

Im pretty much the poster boy for Peter Pan syndrome. I never want to grow up, I always wear a hat, I'm frequently in the company of a little leggy blonde, my house looks like a fort, and I look good in green tights. The down side is I'm pretty sure there's an effeminate Pirate stalking me.
I really don't get why people want to grow up and be mature adults. As far as I can tell, mature people are among the most boring group of losers you could ever encounter! Men my age, when thrown together in a group, end up talking about fixed mortgage rates and lawn equipment. I would rather get in a heated debate with someone as to whether Captain America could kick Batman's ass. I've noticed that people I've known all my life get to a certain age and start using words like 'Davenport' and 'Dungarees' when they mean 'Couch' and 'Jeans'... they start listening to Kenny G. and Dido instead of Zeppelin and Blue Oyster Cult. I understand that the things I have loved in my youth will seem dated in time, but I'm not reverting to my parents generational loves, and I'm still learning new things every day to stay current.
At one point it looked like I would succumb to age like everyone else, but I found the escape hatch; divorce. Being single opened so many doors it made my head spin! Let's face it, every marriage is a hostage situation, and the best you can hope for is to develop Stockholm syndrome early on. Now I can use the good scissors and don't have to fear any retaliation! I guess I realized that there comes a time in every man's life where he either stands for what he believes in, or abdicates to society's standards... I chose option three; Find a cute 25 year old and lick the back of her teeth. This has proven to be a happy lifestyle choice for me. Bring it on, Captain Hook, I'm gonna go find me some Mermaids!